It's about the fact that at a certain moment, when a person already knows they're approaching that... that other side, they think all the time about how it will happen and when it will happen, in what circumstances. And they'd like to order their life. I had a very intense life (...) Even though from the beginning I knew that I was different from what, let's say, heterosexuals have. (...) These two fragments regarding youth are of course from Kawafis' poetry. And such a reflection for the future, that however one must at some point give it up, even the thought (...). This accident I had less than two years ago changed me very much. I was so active, went to discos, danced, I really liked dancing, and all this through breaking my spine, made me view the future very differently. (...) I think about this, about my end quite openly. Nothing attracts me so much anymore. (...) I didn't have any emotions, because this is the truth about me, so I didn't have any. The truth is that it bothers me that not everything in my life was such that I wouldn't have anyone to apologize to for anything, and one thing, knowing I'm gay, I never allowed my children to be worse off in any sense."